I'm going to piggy back on yesterday's "when you want something" post. The trouble with wanting is sometimes I don't know what I want. And sometimes I think that I know what I want, and then I get it and think I really should have gotten mint chocolate chip, not rocky road.
Inside out, that's how I wear my thoughts. For better or worse that's how I come. This whole year I said, "I just want to go on a date." I'd just be happy if I could go on a date.
Well I got my date and now I'd like to know how the whole refund deal works. All you married ladies, when you go to sleep tonight if you have nothing else to thank Him for, you thank him that you don't have to go on anymore dates.
You curl your hair, you put on lipstick, you maybe even lift weights and do sit ups. You tell yourself don't talk too fast and to make sure you put others first. Then you go on your date and what is it about sitting across from each other chewing food that turns us into such judges?
I've done it, dismissed a blind date because they had a double chin, ex-wife and a kid etc, etc. And I've been dismissed because I wasn't someone's type, etc. etc.
What exactly does that mean? Does it mean my lip gloss was all wrong, or my boobs are too small, or that I eat funny, or am I just plain dull?
The whole shenanigans feels an awful lot like poker, only at the end of the night you don't get to see their hand. They either ante up or fold. And that's just not how I play, I lay my cards on the table and at that point you can go on and ante up or fold.
I'd like nothing better than to chew the guy up I went on a date with, pick him a part, sweep up the pieces and put him in an envelope stamped return to sender. But I won't do that, I'm going to be just a little bigger than that.
I'll see your positives, sir and raise you a prayer that you find your "type." I'll believe that you have a better hand, than the cards you hold over dinner. And maybe I'll always be a little sorry that you didn't stay in the game long enough to see I could have been your friend.
And I'll learn my lesson, I'll pray what I really want. I want a man, who is handsome to me and who loves Jesus and I want to get married and have children. I don't just wanna go on a date. And if that makes me a 1950's idealistic biddy, so be it, go buy me a poodle skirt and if you love me throw in some pearls.
I slightly freaked about my blog when I got a "date". Thinking dear heavens, if they find this they will know I'm down right desperate. Maybe so, maybe I am, but I'm desperate for the right one, not a bunch of wrong ones.
And while I know full well I'll stay in this game of dating or courting or any other term you'd like to give it. I'm not quitting until I hit the jackpot, and I will believe that is possible because I've got an ace in the hole. And I'm pretty sure when the dealings done, He'll trump um all.
102. For Ephesians 3:20
Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.
103. For "I believe, help my unbelief"
104. For sometimes getting what you "want" to figure out what you really want.