To want, to want something so badly, so fiercely yet it's out of your control to make it happen. I've stared a want in the eyes the past few days. A want that surprises me with the power of its longing. It's got me thinking what it means to want. Like a women or a couple who want with every fiber of their being to have a child, but they can't. To want your mom, or your dad, or your husband, or your child, but you can't have them because they're no longer among the living. Or to want your mom or dad but they don't want you, because they left you. Wants so strong you almost crumble at the weight of them.
To want something, yet you can't have it. What do you do when that happens? Do we pity, pat around and say "there, there good child, here's a Bible verse now be content." Or, do we say,"Oh you don't really want that, just you wait and see it's not all it's cracked up to be. "
I am discontent by default, I suppose we all are. I've just started a Bible study on contentment. Isn't that how it goes, you seek growth and find yourself smack dab in the middle of your humanity.
What does it mean to be content? God taught Paul its truths. I recently memorized Philippians 4:11-13, "I am not saying this because I am in need because I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances, I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether hungry or well fed whether living in plenty or in want, I can do everything through him who gives me strength." I haven't memorized scripture in umpteen years, yet that one was much needed.
So here I am praying Lord, teach me to be content, memorizing verses and actually attending a Bible study yet I find myself baring the weight of wanting. A friend shed such light for me on the word content. She said it's a word so easily tossed about often to just shut us up, to tell us to be happy. Yet, it doesn't mean you are going to be happy, or completely satisfied, or without want it means you're going to bear your burden with the strength that only comes from God.
With a want so strong, so completely out of your control, I guess that's all you can do, wait. And continually shift the weight of your want over onto the strength that is Christ. And that's hard as hell, and that fact alone, is why we need Christ.
94. for psalm 27:13 & 14
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living, be of good courage wait on the Lord and he will strengthen your heart, wait I say on the Lord.
95. for a God who can handle my honesty
96. for the way my new shampoo smells
97. for days to lie on the coach thinking under the whir of the ceiling fan
98. for a God who hears
99. for a God who sees
100. for feeling pretty
101. for good outfits