Sunday, August 29, 2010

A Blustery Day

Rustling the leaves, blowing my pages, whirring background noise of my morning. Afternoon walk and I heard it loud, the wonder of the wind. Simultaneously I was aware of the wind, i heard it's sound, i watched it ripple across water and sway the trees, blades of grass danced at it's power and i felt it cool on my face, chilling my arms. And I marveled once more at the power of God to move. And my heart wondered how soul can live with wind reduced to scientific terms and reasonable effect. Beyond reason, soulfully comforting, this God of mine, heart stirrer, wind maker.

He said to me, "Prophesy to the breath. Prophesy, son of man. Tell the breath, 'God, the Master, says, Come from the four winds. Come, breath. Breathe on these slain bodies. Breathe life!'"

The Wind                                            
I saw you toss the kites on high
And blow the birds about the sky;
And all around I heard you pass,
Like ladies' skirts across the grass--
O wind, a-blowing all day long,
O wind, that sings so loud a song!

I saw the different things you did,
But always you yourself you hid.
I felt you push, I heard you call,
I could not see yourself at all--
O wind, a-blowing all day long,
O wind, that sings so loud a song!

O you that are so strong and cold,
O blower, are you young or old?
Are you a beast of field and tree,
Or just a stronger child than me?
O wind, a-blowing all day long,
O wind, that sings so loud a song!
-Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday, August 23, 2010

Thanks By Number

193. for refreshing weekends
194. for crunching pinecones on walks
195. for Kyung a publix employee, who always smiles and willingly makes me the sushi i like
196. for kroger's managers special reduced flowers
197. for $1.30 tulips
198. for black licorice and all it's familiar family memories
199. for movie theaters on sunday afternoons all by your lonesome
200. for movies that make you teary eyed in the best way
201. for the sound of little girls talking
202. for the thrill of real mail
203. for kind words
204. for saturday morning donuts
205. for this song
206. for this blog
207. for church girl, who always points me to the one most needed.
208. for a good sermon
209. for a reminder that over and over Christ is the answer
210. for encouraging scriptures
211. for 70 page spiral bound notebooks
212. for coral toenails
213. for a thorough well done pedicure
214. for gold bangle bracelets
215. for my current read
216. for my Savior
217. for last night's moon on my walk
218. for today's sunset on my drive home

holy experience

Friday, August 20, 2010

Back to the Drawing Board...

Early on in first grade I created quite the conundrum for my teacher. I'm still not exactly sure what went wrong but it did involve little squares and glue. My squares were all glued together, not spread out on the paper in some appropriate order, I think. All I know is I got it wrong and my teacher let me know in no uncertain terms. I was mortified.

A friend quoted a friend's defining a book I've been reading as, "Oh, yes that one, it's rather paint by number." I loved it. Give us three points, a poem and surely it'll equal something akin to our best life now. Sorry Joel, it’s too easy. Yet, step by step formulas don’t always work. Cookie cutters really only work best for cookies, huh.

I have a point, at least we’ll hope so. For pert near three weeks I have had high aspirations of linking up to the 1000 gifts site. I was going to fess up to church girl that I was in, and I was even going to brand myself with the communities graphic. All on Monday cause that’s when a wide majority of them start adding up their gratitude. Really what better time to log some thanks than after the respite that is the weekend? Yet three Monday’s have past and my weekend thanks are getting fuzzy.

So I’m just going to be thankful on Friday. Because really at the end of the day I believe the overarching goal is to just be thankful. Pretty sure you can’t mess up the canvas of gratitude. And after all I’m sort of fond of coloring outside of the lines.

168. for the sound of thunder
169. for cozy blankets and comfy couches
170. for mornings on my porch
171. for my white dishes
172. for the view when i open the front door
173. for captivating sky
174. for visits with granjanie and pizza with mom
175. for clean clothes that smell like heaven
176. for clean clothes washed by your mom because you don't have a washing machine
177. for saturdays that magically seem forever
178. for saturdays that finally end
179. for burgers and fries good to the last bite
180. for a downtown outdoor movie and a friend
181. for glowing pregnant mamas
182. for holding a cuddly baby
183. for pale pink tulips in a white pitcher
184. for sweet baby showers
185. for someone telling me i'm beautiful
186. for humming birds
187. for butterflies
188. for pink flowers outside my window
189. for waking up to streams of morning sunlight
190. for knowing He counts my tears
191. for knowing He hears me
192. for knowing all the times i feel so small, so, inadequate, He is so big, so sufficient.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Evening Walks

I walk late in the day. I feel the smoldering heat of Georgia summer. I crunch gravel. I notice sky, wide open blue, brilliant streaks of orange hues. Occasionally the sky completly captivates me, other times it's just there hovering over my walk. Sometimes it's a mix of sky blue, cloud white and dark grey.

I listen. Hearing kids laughing in yards, playing in pools, lawnmowers whir, cars drive pass me. I see endless fields, yellow flowers, cows grazing in pastures. I normally think, and pray, but not always. I wrestle, I walk long, I walk short, I walk mad, I walk sad, I walk happy. I breathe and sometimes stop and drink it in, the breeze, the creation and the ability to just be as feet move one in front of the other.

Evening walks remind me that I am alive, that I live.

My solace, my salvation is in knowing I walk with the one, who knows where I'm going, the one who gave me this life that I walk. Believers or non believers this truth rings eternal, "In Him we live and move and have our being." -Acts 17:28

Monday, August 9, 2010

She Quit Christianity

She writes of vampires, and many know her name. And she packed her bags and walked away, quit this thing called Christianity. Some may applaud and usher her across the street. Perhaps others will preach or pray or cry foul to her claims that this thing called Christianity is filled with hate. Can we be a Christian but somehow divorce Christianity? Objections may be offered eloquently, intelligently, condescendingly, systematically or in a myriad of other ways.

But what do I, what do I a member of this thing called Christianity, what do I say? I say I've questioned and wondered if it's all a farce. One word, a multi faceted word upon which institutions have been established. Where thoughts have been wrought and truths hammered. Degrees delivered and wars fought. Denominations rendered and tears and lives shed. Debating, fighting, judging. Is it grace or is it works or is it both? Do we pick Him or does He pick us? Is it wrong and right or grace and mercy? Is it love or is it justice? Is it quite and reverent or loud and alive?

And I think of other faiths how seventy virgins and holy underwear sound ludicrous and absurd. And I think of my faith how to say God came to earth lived a perfect life died and rose again to pay for my sins and that He lives and is alive and forgives and dwells within my heart. How this must too sound silly, contrived to those who do not know Him, to those who do not believe.

Is there hate in Christianity, yes. And is there hate on interstate 75 and in the check out line at Walmart? In the left and in the right wings, is there hate? There is hate in a thousand places and sometimes in my own heart.

And is this hate we love to hate always wrong? Is it wrong to hate a gay but right to hate a child molester? And the age old question whispers soft, whispers loud, "How can you say your God is love but sends people to hell?" How does this big God offer only one way?"

These are questions that have and will be wrestled. I look at these questions and I look at our answers and I look at my life and and I look at this world. And while I do not fully understand or comprehend this thing called Christianity, this I know, this I answer, It must be bigger than you. It must be bigger than your ability to win an argument. It must be a solid truth not built solely on logic and reason. A truth a love so big that at the end of the day you cannot walk away. Because this God, this God who loves you so much who is the answer, will not let you walk away.

I have wandered and I have strayed a thousand times, but He brings me back every time. To the place where I know that I need Him to breath life into these dead bones. To the place where I know that I have been bought with a price and that I am His.

And I don't think the world needs my Christ simply because they are bad and He is good. Or because there is hate and He is love, but because He is life and we are dead, we need Him.

Oh Ann Rice, who will never read these musings, you and I, we need Him. That is my answer, we need Him.